Just want to let you all know that Perfect Chaos has hit the shelves! Buy it from your local independent bookstore, buy it on e-book, buy it however you want to read it! Know that it has been a long time coming and has finally arrived! It has been a whirlwind tour since the launch two Tuesday's ago, with a trip to New York, two book launches, one with the lovely and wonderfully, generous Glenn Close, a reading at my favorite store (Elliott Bay), a beautiful party with the Flawless foundation where I met Tipper Gore and the beautiful Sarah Deanna. So many things to go on about but I am too exhausted to tell all from here, so...I promise a longer post and more wonderful pictures to come. For now check out beautiful book launch pictures on our Linea/Cinda fan page on Facebook and our amazingly beautiful Elliott Bay picture on Flicker. So exciting but exhausting. Thank you all for your fabulous support and love for the book. You make all the hectic schedule and secret telling worth it:)
Good Night and I promise more soon!
March 02, 2012
He said I’m standing on a ledge.
He said it’s like I’m climbing up from the depths of hell on a hot metal ladder trying to reach the top until I find it. A ledge to rest on. A ledge still somewhere in hell, but one I can sit on, waiting until I once again have to force myself to get back on that burning ladder.
But the problem is, until today, I haven’t realized that I am just sitting here. I sit here today still feeling pain, depression, and exhaustion wondering why my meds are just not doing the job without realizing that I am not working as hard as I should be.
Sometimes I think my psychiatrist knows me better than anyone I have ever met. I am lucky to have found him because without his honest words I would not realize that I wasn’t working hard enough. Not realizing that I’ve been deceiving myself.
It is easy when pain is no longer excruciating, but bearable to think that this is the way it is going to be. It is easy to believe that you have done your duty and it is the drugs that are not lining up. After seven intensive years of therapy it is easy to believe that I have done all the work necessary and that the pain and depression are, in fact, a part of my personality. But they’re not.
I have been told, and I hope to believe it, that there is a top of the ladder. That there is solid ground on which I can rest; solid ground where I can feel safe and secure and happy. But it will take work.
I can’t imagine going through this alone. I know I am a lucky one. Without someone to tell me, “Look, you’re doing that thing you do, where you shut out the pain and act pleasant and nice so I stop asking questions”. I can’t imagine not having someone to call me out as I deceive myself again and again.
But I’m glad I know now, that I know that there is a higher ground, that there is a place where I won’t have to feel pain all the time. And though I know life can never be completely pain-free I know I can get there.
There is always more work to do.
February 26, 2012
Just returned from New York last week with the Advanced Reader's Copy of Perfect Chaos in hand! So amazing to hold our book in a solid, compact, book sized form as opposed to endless pages on a computer or a 320 loose printed manuscript. Preorder now through MacMillan's list of book sellers: http://us.macmillan.com/perfectchaos/LineaJohnson.
Perfect Chaos (St. Martin's Press), out May 8th!
February 23, 2012
Though it has been ages since I last blogged I promise that I will update you in the days to come, but first I have a very pressing message. The State House of Representatives released it's budget yesterday, and it contains over $26M in reductions to mental health services.
This will place more people struggling with mental health conditions on the streets, in emergency rooms, and in our prison system. But you can make a difference, with the help of Sound Mental Health (http://http://smh.org/) we have key phrases you can use when contacting your State Representatives and Senators:
“A $26 million cut to mental health is too much!”
“Please support mental health!”
“The House budget cuts to mental health are too drastic!”
“Mental health is too important to be cut so much!”
"$26 million dollars is too much to cut for Mental Health Services. Mental Illness is a disease that is manageable with the proper care. Without the proper care the cost to the individual, the community and overall public safety far away outweigh the initial cost of care. Why should Mental Illness be looked at any differently than any other diseases?"
Please go to the following link to send a single message to your Senator: http://apps.leg.wa.gov/DistrictFinder/Default.aspx
Thank you for making an effort to change the system!